So, in Good Enough, there’s a small bit where Nemo gets bit in the ass by a coral snake. Why? Well, the book is filled with all sorts of Easter Eggs of things that have happened to me, tributes to authors I love, and shameless moments of thievery from friends and family. The snake bit didn’t happen to me directly, but I do have a small animal obsession. Part of the problem is that people ask me if I want to feed things. Umm, yes! I will most definitely feed that hippopotamus! Directly from my hand? HELL, YES!!! It never goes well, but I keep doing it. Why? Great stories to share, lots of laughing at me, and I’ll be the loudest one in the group. I’ve had so many amazing encounters, I’ve been told I should have my own reality-disaster show on Animal Planet. So I paid homage to the menace in the animal kingdom that is me.
So what kinds of disasters are we talking about?
Camels that step on me and refuse to unstep for almost an hour. Yeah, camels only do what camels want to do.
Male sheep that use me for target practice for their big, honkin’ horns. The dude’s name was Rambo. I should have taken the hint.
Two dolphins that sent me airborne when pushing my feet. I look like a freakin’ Macy’s Day Parade balloon in the live action photo they caught.
Horse that bucked me into the water trough.
My cat cleaved my lip in two at the vet. The vet took me to the Emergency Room and later gave me my first dose of antibiotics after the stitches.
The stories are endless. Here are the best of the best.
1. Elephant—not sure of my age, but I was definitely a preteen. A trip to the Denver Zoo brought me across a moat from two elephants wallowing in mud together. Cute, right? Yeah, real cute until one elephant sprayed the other one, but his aim was off, and the mud sprayed across the moat and all over me. (I sincerely hope that was actually mud and not something else.)
2. Dolphin—21 and on vacation with my parents. (Side note: On the plane out, I sat in a separate row than my family next to a young man heading back to the Navy from leave. Thankfully, there was no ice involved [IYKYK], but he was HAWT!) One of the trips we took in between my father’s convention responsibilities for work was a trip to Sea World. We’d been at the park all day, and I was in my element. The last thing on my list to do was to hand feed the dolphins. Well, I fed them, all right. I was the extra large fish on the menu! I got so excited about touching a real dolphin and interacting with them so personally that I FELL INTO THE FRICKING TANK HEAD FIRST! All of me. Dead serious. And yes, dolphins do like humans and will “help” when they’re in trouble. There was no way they were letting me drown in that tank. How I didn’t get ejected from the park, I will never know.
3. Goat—late twenties and making favorable impressions! My boyfriend (now husband) took me to an animal sanctuary in Northern Wisconsin. I made the mistake of crouching down to pet a pygmy goat. Holy crap, there’s a goat mafia! He was a decoy! They work together! Next thing I know, I’ve become a human jungle gym. Perched on my shoulders is another pygmy goat, and he’s eating the big-ass nineties era ribbon at the back of my head.
4. Stingray–fun with fish, and on my honeymoon! We’re back at Sea World. I'm 27 now, but am I smarter? Of course not. I have a stingray tattoo, so it’s hardly a surprise that I want to feed them. Great! They’re hungry. Everyone’s around the pool edge, they’re eating a ton, and the little boogers are like cats with gills because they arch into your hand as they swim by, like they’re looking for scratches. Now… dummy me is using my left hand to feed. I have my right hand along the top of the water so that I can pet at the same time. Only one problem. My wedding band and engagement ring are on my left hand. The one that’s feeding. (Can you hear it coming?) Until this point, all the feeding frenzy has been the younger stingrays that are about the size of a 5x7 photo. But it’s me, so what comes looming my way? The Big Daddy of Stingrays! He’s been hanging out along the bottom in the center of the pool. He’s easily five feet across… possibly more. I’m mesmerized as this thing glides my way. HE IS HUGE. Suddenly he’s hovering over my hand… his “nose” comes creeping up out of the water and starts slapping the top of the wall… and there’s massive suction right above my hand with the rings and the food. My rings lived to tell the tale, so clearly this monstrosity was not named Sauron, but I wasn’t sure they were going to make it, in all honesty.
5. Squirrel–December, 2001. My parents lived in Alexandria for ten years, so we would go to visit at Christmas time. My mother worked on Capitol Hill, and we were going to meet her for lunch. She left me a Ziploc bag of shelled peanuts because she said she often fed them at the park at the base of the hill on her lunch break. Trouble is, I didn’t realize she didn’t mean to feed them by hand. I mean, what other way would you feed a squirrel? The first few peanuts this little guy came and took the peanut from me so daintily. It was adorable! Then, the second to last one, he put his little claws on my fingers and ate it out of my hand. Ohhhhhhh! But the last one? Apparently, my fingers looked like they were a peanut because the next thing I knew, my fingers were in his mouth. There was blood everywhere, and he was flying like he had wings when I tried to fling him off me. In the space of just a few minutes, my husband was hustling me up the marble steps of the Capitol. There is a literal trail of blood going up the stairs. I get to the metal detector and the security guard takes one look at my hand, then YANKS ME through the detector, basically throws me in the elevator, and takes me down into the bowels of the Capitol Building to the infirmary. The nurse reassures me that there is no report of rabies in the Washington, D.C., area squirrels. Ummm… ok. And you know this how?????
6. Monkey–2003. Mr. C and I took a cruise to Cancun, Cozumel, Belize, and Roatán. (Yeah, that wasn’t a random location choice in Good Enough.) On an excursion we visited a monkey sanctuary where you can hold, pet, and feed spider monkeys. SIGN. ME. UP. I’ll give you all of my money. It was a blast. I’m holding this little guy and trying to figure out how to sneak him into my luggage to bring home. Another lady on the tour says, “Can I hold him?” My inner self is screaming, “No, you may NOT!” But I’m Midwest polite, so I say, “Sure,” and hand over my fuzzy soon-to-be-kidnapped son. During the transfer, she freaks out and drops him. He’s hurt, scared, and he opens his mouth to reveal what looks like the teethy mouth of the alien in the movie franchise Alien, proceeding to chomp the hell out of my ankle. Then, he runs away. I asked the caretaker what we should do. My ankle is bleeding profusely. I’m in a lot of pain, and I’m in a developing nation. Her response? She walks me over to a Rubbermaid bin and reaches inside. She hands me a Curad. WHAT?! (By this time the monkey has run back at me from his hiding place, scurries up me like a tree, then hugs me with a gorilla stranglehold around the neck.) We eventually make it to the beach for lunch. My ankle is the size of a football. Still hurts. Still bleeding. When we get back to the ship, Mr. C and I go to the ship’s doctor. It’s $250 just to walk through the door, then whatever else for care. I looked at him and said, “If I start craving bananas and making monkey noises, bring me back.” We go to dinner, me limping along. By morning, the entire 3000+ on the ship have heard the monkey bite story, I’m collecting free stuff everywhere I go for being the monkey bite lady, and there’s a towel monkey on my bed the next morning after I get back from breakfast. Needless to say, I did not turn into a monkey. (And this was the influence behind how Nemo ended up getting bitten by a snake in Good Enough.)
7. Rhinoceros–post 2003. For his birthday, I took Mr. C on a behind-the-scenes tour of the Elephant House at Disney’s Animal Kingdom. That entire tour was filled with some of the most bizarre experiences I’ve ever had, but the grand finale is the ultimate in bizarre. There was a “retired” rhinoceros in his own enclosure and the keeper asked if I wanted to pet him. ARE YOU NUTS?? WHO DOESN’T PET A RHINOCEROS WHEN ASKED?? So, I’m standing alongside the wood rail fence (that’s never going to keep this animal from mowing me down if he decides to stampede), stroking his hide. He can’t possibly feel me touching him. It’s literally like armor. Suddenly, he leans against the fence. Oops. Guess he can feel it after all. So freakin’ cool! As I’m asking her a question, the keeper’s eyes go wide. He turns 45 degrees, ass toward me; she says, “You might want to m–” WHOOSH! A waterfall of pee emerges from this rhino. I’ve never seen so much pee. My shoes are absolutely destroyed. I’m laughing maniacally. Mr. C is stunned, standing with his mouth open, no words coming out. The keeper? She says, “He only does that to people he likes.” Great. A rhinoceros has officially marked me. Awesome.
Clearly, I need supervision at all times, especially when animals are involved. I wouldn’t be surprised if more of these stories show up in future books. They’re too good to stay in only my own brain as memories.
ON THE BOOK FRONT:
I’m currently finishing the copy/line edits of Bad Enough, Book 2 in The Deadman’s Tribe series. You can pre-order at Bad Enough: The Deadman's Tribe Book 2
And the release date is currently set for August 19th… unless I get impatient.
Romance novelist Sylvan Jones is a ‘good’ girl.
She’s hearts, flowers, unicorns, sprinkles, glitter, and happily ever after endings. She couldn’t be bad if she tried.
Information-Specialist TB is a ‘bad’ boy.
He’s kidnappings, interrogations, disappearing bodies, executions, and who knows what else. He couldn’t be good if he wanted to.
Good plus Bad equals Trouble.
TB and the rest of the team are hired by a Silicon Valley tech mogul to find his daughter, the fifth girl who has gone missing after a night at a local club. Now it appears that Sylvan may be the abductor’s next target. It isn’t long before TB realizes she’s hiding something, so the interrogator is going to do what he does best: secure the information. But forcing them together has consequences, and soon Sylvan and TB must decide if their differences will be what makes it work out between them, or if the secrets they are keeping from each other are bad enough to tear them apart.
*Content throughout contains elements of bondage and is for mature readers (age 18 and up).
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Unlocked: Invictus Securities Book 2
Release Date: March 15, 2024
It’s time for Bo to get his HEA.
Angela Rush has previously published in the Stokerverse, but Invictus Securities marks her first self-published efforts.
The previous book, Unfounded, focuses on the boss of the company. For those of you who love the increase in diverse characters, Luke in that book is wheelchair bound. (Reminded me of my “Big Boss”, God, so I’m a bit biased in my love for that aspect. I swear we weren’t copying each other, but great minds must truly think alike.)
Make sure you check them both out!
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